Very early in my healing years, I encountered a husband and wife ministry. They were facilitating a support group I attended. I had every intention on not saying a word, but the couple seemed gracious and kind. At some point, I quietly asked them about the whereabouts of God when I was being harmed as a child. this sent one of the fellow group members into a rage. Not the Christian couple, because they seemed pleased that I finally opened up. (“Is she just going to keep coming in here smiling and not saying anything?“)
Even though the group member’s disruption closed the opportunity that day, their eagerness opened up something for me. Throughout the years of the tragedy, I never dared quietly admit that, tension with God. Just kept on praying, going to church off and on-vacation Bible school, junior usher service, taught Sunday school when I got older, etc.-kept it moving. After that public declaration, it finally dawned on me that I had some soul deep inner work to do.
The truth was, I could smile all I wanted, but I was furious in addition to sad and disillusioned. A counselor at that time even called me out. “You have a beautiful smile, but you have very sad eyes.” I am grateful that she spoke truth. I am also forever grateful for that couple and space that they provided for me to begin to stop going through the motions. It didn’t end there, but it was a start.
Some women did not walk away from faith because they wanted less of God.
They walked away because they were harmed by:
- manipulation wrapped in spiritual language
- pressure to submit and endure danger
- being silenced “for unity’s sake”
- being blamed for their own abuse
- being punished for asking honest questions
So they stepped back.
Not always from God.
Often from the people who misrepresented Him.
And deep inside, something sacred remains:
- the longing to be safe
- the longing to be seen
- the longing to be treated with dignity
- the longing to heal without being rushed
- the longing to believe there is still something holy in the world
Even if the word holy hurts right now.
When someone finally speaks gently:
“You deserve safety.
You deserve dignity.
God sees what happened.
Healing is sacred.
Your voice matters.”
Their hearts don’t harden — they soften.
Not toward us first.
Toward hope.
Fellow believers — here is our calling:
When a woman asks:
“Where was God?”
even with anger, trembling, or raw grief in her voice —
our job is not to:
✘ fix it
✘ defend God
✘ preach at her
✘ rush to theology
✘ explain suffering
✘ shut down emotion
Our job is to stay.
To listen.
To honor the wound.
Because lament is biblical.
Cries of confusion are holy ground.
“How long, O Lord?”
“Why have You forsaken me?”
“Why do You hide Your face?”
These are not faithless words.
They are Scripture.
If the Bible holds space for those cries,
God expects His people to hold space too.
Anger is not rebellion. Often, it’s trust trying to breathe.
Anger says:
“I thought God was good.
I thought I mattered.
I thought love protected.”
That is not unbelief.
That is a heart struggling with betrayal, loss, injustice — and longing for God to still be true.
We must learn to say:
“I’m glad you told me.
I’m here.
Your questions don’t scare God.
You don’t have to hide your pain.”
Because God is not fragile.
And women’s stories should not be silenced to protect our comfort.
A posture for us to practice
When someone asks:
“Where was God?”
Let our response be:
1️⃣ Open arms
“I’m so sorry you went through that.”
2️⃣ Open ears
“Tell me what happened. I want to understand.”
3️⃣ Open heart
“Your questions are welcome here.”
4️⃣ Gentle truth — later, not first
“God does not side with harm — and He did not abandon you.”
Truth offered too soon can feel like dismissal.
Truth offered slowly can feel like medicine.
Why this matters
Women are not running from God as often as we think.
They are running from:
- unsafe leadership
- distorted theology
- communities that protected image over people
If believers can become safe holders of questions,
many women will find their way back to God more easily — not through pressure, but through compassion.
A closing prayer
God of truth and tenderness,
Teach us to hold the wounded with patience,
to listen without fear,
to weep with those who weep,
and to honor every question as sacred ground.
Help us remember that You are never threatened by honest cries.
Make Your people a refuge, not another wound.
Amen.
